Hello!

I know it's been a little bit since I last blogged and the shop has been on "vacation mode" since I don't even know when. Though I technically have not been on vacation... (although, that would have been nice lol!).

But it was a much-needed break. A very abrupt break and last minute decision to just hit the big pause button on everything but I needed it, in more ways than one!

So... Why the break?

For so long I kept trying to keep up with ideas and plans that eventually I became more disorganized and created more of a mess than I had anticipated. Taking on custom projects all the while trying to find some time to really figure [me] out ... basically, I have been on this really big soul-searching journey. It sputtered along in 2016. I tried to ignore it and then in 2017, it came back but it was more constant.

Myself was telling [myself] that I needed a change. Not in the sense of giving up or walking away from the things I already enjoyed doing (photography, art, and designing) but rather I needed to take a break and really try to focus on me and to figure myself out a bit.

This whole journey of finding myself not only would be beneficial to me but also for the rest of my family. As they were suffering from my lack of enthusiasm and loss of identity just about as much as I was. For so long I always put my family first (and I still do but I have learned balance now, as you will read later on) and who wouldn't, right!? But over the course of the past few years, I ignored who I was. At first, this wasn't much of a problem and never really affected me (or at least I don't think it did), but then it just finally got to the point where I was feeling it. Every.single.day. I was feeling the lack of motivation and confidence. Anxiety got really bad for me, because of this. It was getting to the point to where I never wanted to leave the house.

I lost interest in photography. That was the first to go... Then I dove into art as a means to "find something" and for awhile, it helped. Theruptically, it helped a lot. But at the end of the day, it wasn't enough. Not enough to figure me out as a whole.

At this point, It was all I had, to keep up with the shop and answer emails and work on custom designs. I knew at some point that I would have to step away. I kept holding out hope that I could keep my shop open and continue working on it, as a means to feel as though I "still had something".

But finally. I woke up one morning and hit that big ol' pause button.

It's been about 4 months and now I am back. And I am feeling so much better and I am finally, finally! On the right path.

So what changed? What have I been up to?

I started working out.

I know, who knew that just working out would completely turn my life around and would be the main factor in getting myself back on track?! And not just physically, but mentally as well.

I started working out March 1. I cut the garbage and excess food consumption out of my daily diet and opted for real food instead. No more processed, no boxed, etc. Sadly... this came with no longer making fresh homemade bread :(

(not gonna lie, I have been known to eat an entire loaf of my own homemade bread, it was pretty pathetic but it was that good).

We already had a weight bench and weights and bands, etc so I just picked them up, started using them and haven't looked back since.

All in all, the entire process saved my sanity. My head no longer feels foggy. I have so much energy now. I sleep better. My back feels better than it's felt in a long time. I'm a better mom and wife because of it. My anxiety has gone way, way down and my husband even jumped on board and it's been helping him in so many ways, he never thought possible! I've lost 15-inches so far and my confidence is finally on the up.

With all of this increased positiveness in my life now, it has brought in room for my old hobbies and projects that I once worked on:: photography, the shop, custom design work, art... etc. Not only do I feel better about working on all of this but I am -legit- excited about it. No longer does it feel like it's something I have to try to keep doing because if I didn't then I was a "failure". Instead, I feel as though my head now has the clarity to take on these projects with more intent & thought & creativeness.

So with all of that said, here I am. I got pretty deep in this post. Probably more deep than I had originally intended to but as I started to type, I just kept going. I know most people suffer silently and I don't think it should be like that. I think it's important to talk about anxiety & depression.

And, of course, I am not saying that "working out" is the be-all-know-all cure for anyone who is feeling down or anxious but rather it being my own first-hand experience. And like other people, I have tried in the past and gave up within weeks. This time around was different. I realized that I needed it for not just my physical health, but my mental health needed it as well. Working out isn't (shouldn't be) about vanity and when you start to see the overall benefits of just what it can do for you, it makes the process a lot easier and more enjoyable.

I plan to open the shop up within the next week or so. It's been so long since I have even looked at it. I will be going through and weeding out old designs in favor of new ones. I will open up custom work again and just try to do my own personal best at what I enjoy doing!


If you would like to follow along on my own fitness journey, I am over on IG: @journey.fit.kay



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